IRC Noobs

QuakeNet, currently the world's largest Internet Relay Chat network, is often visited (plagued) by people new to IRC. This is probably because QNet provides a browser-based webchat client and sites often link the client right into their irc channel.

The hastiest kind of IRC noob joins a channel, greets (typically with "hi"), and leaves after no one has replied in ten seconds. That's evidently long enough to determine if there will be talking on the channel.

The more patient kind will stay longer and type in multiple lines, usually asking if anyone's there (and other less smart questions). If someone decides to say something before the person leaves, the IRC noob will ask if it is always so quiet. The IRC noob cannot understand how a channel with over a hundred of nicks doesn't have an active discussions all the time.

An even more impossible concept to grasp is how some people seem to never leave the channel and are always there. Do they keep their computers on always? The IRC noob doesn't and makes sure everyone knows that.

The IRC noob doesn't know what the @'s and +'s mean either. And if their client colors the operator and voiced nicks, the IRC noob is compelled to ask how he can get a color for his nick aswell.

Some are totally perplexed by nick-hilighting, asking why a line has a different color. Some even deduce the line is a private message (huh?) and wonder how they can answer it.

Lately, thanks to Twitter (and YouTube, who adopted the replying format), I've also seen some IRC noobs needlessly adding @ infront of a nick (e.g. @Tanthie) when addressing their message to someone. A kick and a ban are the same thing for the IRC noob aswell.

In the end, the IRC noob is pretty harmless, though, and will eventually learn the ways of the chat protocol.

Much more annoying are those who have been in IRC for a while and have learned the bad habits; the worst being away-nicks -- no one cares whether you are away from keyboard or not. Even the IRC noob is able conclude you're not there if you're not replying. And if for some reason it is important to inform people of your whereabouts, you can always use the /away command.

Phew, I'm glad I got that out.